The Black Woman Curse: Success=Single?

My older male cousin e-mailed me this video today, and I found it very relevant and interesting to share with you all. With the release of Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
and Hill Harper's "The Conversation" and numerous articles in Essence magazine, the topic of black men and women in relationships has sparked heated debates all year.



The ongoing question that was asked in the news story was "Are Black Women's standards too high or are the options too slim?" Are black men intimidated or just dont bring enough to the table? Perhaps it is a combination of a lot of things. All of the women featured in the news story were beautiful and successful women. I am trying to find out what went wrong.

As an educated young woman on the road to success myself, I would want someone who shares the same ambition and similar values in life. However, I dont want to compromise my success for love and happiness because of someone elses intimidation. Lets be honest, God brings me joy but I find it difficult to have happiness without love (whether it is from family or companionship). Of course we all have our preferences, but I think we [black women] sometimes get confused about what classifies as love and successful relationships.

The part I found most interesting in this news story was the "Back Pocket Girl" theory: when a man maintains contact (keeps girl in his back pocket) to make sure she is still single, so when he is ready to "settle" and "commit" she will still be available. I personally know a lot of males that share this same theory for one of the following reasons:
1. She is actually the woman he wants to spend his life with. He is emotionally not ready and would like to work on personal growth before so they would both be capable of maintaining a successful relationship/marriage.
2. She is actually the woman he could see himself spending his life w/ (so far). Furthermore, he is physically/mentally not interested in being committed to one woman at the moment and would like to date other women w/out losing her.
3. She is the woman he calls when the other women are not available.

Is this what we, as young black women, have to look forward to? Do we have to trade the title of Mrs. for our success? This is an issue that will continue to arise until black men and women re-evaluate their perceptions of dating, love, and successful relationships.

Until next post...